Being a Gaijin in Japan is a very strange experience. Some days you feel like Leonardo DeCaprio must feel when he walks into the Cannes film festival: popular, sexually objectified, uber-cool. Japanese women want you and Japanese men want to drink with you. Other days you feel like Sammy Davis Jr. must have felt when he entertained down in the Mississippi clubs: unsure if the good-ol'-boys are laughing with you or at you. Children stare at you in a way that is normally reserved for zoo animals or pets.
As exotic members of the fringe, gaijin can get away with many things that normal Japanese can't, but gaijin can be discriminated against and talked down to in subtle ways as well. For example, although I love my dry-cleaning lady to death, she always addresses me as though I am a 12-year-old boy. When I ask her what time I can pick up my cloths, she always says: "Oh my, you can speak Japanese so well, aren't you a clever boy!" This type of patronizing treatment wears on you after a while. After 7 years of attempting to perfect my Japanese, the kind of recognition someone like me really wants is no recognition. Blending in means I have achieved my goal. But Gaijin will always be recognized in one way or another. For me I am content with this arrangement. I can play along and endure the occasional condescension or discrimination if it means I can camp for free, get special treatment at bars/restaurants, summon all the firemen from the entire ward without any repercussions, etc. Nonetheless, like all gaijin, I have some resentment in the back of my mind.
It is because of this latent disgruntlement that gaijin always love it when they hear about one of their kind "sticking it to the man" in Japan. "Did you hear about John's scam where he photo-copied his friend's train pass and used the subway free of charge for a year?! What a concept!" "Hey, did you hear about Mary? She puts all five categories of garbage in the same unofficial bag and just throws it in the neighborhood bin! She never gets caught, its so cool!"...These types of comments are often heard at gaijin gatherings. Entire mythologies are built around gaijin heroes who beat the Japanese system through their own gaijin cunning. I remember a story that was circulating back in Kagoshima when I was teaching down there. Apparently this British English teacher a few years earlier was stopped for speeding (50 kmph over speed limit) and he avoided getting a ticket by telling the officer: "Nihon wo taberu..." which means: "I eat Japan...." I guess the officer thought that, judging by this bizarre statement, the British guy was so bad at Japanese that it wasn't worth the headache of going through the paperwork to write him a ticket! That British teacher, for beating the system in such a charming way, was immortalized as a local hero for years after that within the Kagoshima gaijin community.
...Which brings me to my most recent gaijin hero: "The Naked Briton"
Yesterday, a British tourist stuck it to the man in a very creative way: He swam naked in the moat of the the Japanese Imperial Palace!!! (see article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1071811/Pictured-Naked-Briton-arrested-going-swim-Tokyos-sacred-Imperial-Palace-moat.html )
I have often thought what it would be like to swim in that dark, cold moat, but I never thought I would see a gaijin actually doing it! The authorities reported that they were "checking the mental status" of the Naked Briton, but every gaijin knows that he is probably just a stable, healthy gaijin who wanted to go for a dip. Needless to say, he will no doubt be immortalized as a hero of the gaijin community for years to come. Gaijin need these kinds of heroes to remind them that they are not alone in feeling the urge to throw a wrench into the "efficient system" of Japan, a system that both elevates and belittles us foreigners simultaneously. Way to go "Naked Briton"!
